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Once on the road Itossed the hat and pulled the abrasive pants from under my shirt andheaded home.When I entered my home, it felt quite strange. Everything seemed a littlelarger and items I'd accumulated over the years no longer felt like mystyle. I looked at the kitchen counter at all my drugs I'd been taking,neatly lined up in a row. I'd not need those anymore. With new eyes, thehome felt like it belonged to someone very old, which was the case, butit was the freshness of my perspective that made it so.I went to the bedroom and looked at my old bed. The air in the roomsmelled of sickness. I didn't realize just how bad I'd been. I openedwindows and drapes, and then realized I'd been making mistakes. If I wereto pull off the story that I'd simply taken off to complete my bucketlist, I'd not have some girl's fingerprints all over everything. I wentback to the kitchen sink, grabbed a wet towel and wiped down all theplaces I'd touched. Before I could truly explore my new body I needed. I guess it’s like what Melanie explained to us about her therapy after she tried to kill herself. We can’t control things that go on around us; we can only control our reactions to them.“I lied to you for a long time, and that was my bad reaction to the stress of my own feelings and of our relationship. Doctor Clauson helped me see that I wanted to appear perfect to you, and because of that, I hid everything that I thought was imperfect and presented you a picture of a girl who I thought you wanted to see. She made me realize that if you loved me as much as you said you did, and I believe that you did, you didn’t need me to be perfect.”I nodded, “She’s right, Jennifer. I needed you to be you. None of us are perfect. We all have flaws. Even my goody two-shoes girlfriend,” I chuckled. “When we love people, we accept them for who they are and try to help them grow. That’s why Kara and I are where we are now and why I’m a much better person for having been with her. She has never tried.
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